Born to Spawn

Space. In space, an unfamiliar event is taking place. The nine planets, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto were orbiting the sun when suddenly, the planets aligned causing a cosmic imbalance. On Earth at Sawyer Cat's apartment, she heard an unearthly noise.

Sawyer: What's that?

Then it grew louder and louder until Sawyer, unable to stand it anymore, screamed.

Sawyer: Mmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww!!

Meanwhile, at Danny Cat's house, Danny, Harley, and Michael the Third were preparing for the arrival of Sawyer for her birthday. Harley was making the cake, Michael the Third was preparing the special effects and Danny was in charge.

Harley: And now, to complete Harley's Superstack Pineapple Cake, Teriyaki Sauce!

Harley drowned the cake in its brown juicy goo.

Danny: I can't believe Sawyer's turning 22 this year.

Michael the Third: You may have to, because she couldn't be more excited.

At that moment, Sawyer was going hysterical. That sound is driving her mad and even when he put corks and cotton in her ears, her brain was malfunctioning. She even attempted to hit the wall. Then she attempted to escape by going through an open window and she also hitting the ground. However, being a toon does have its advantages so she pried herself out.

Sawyer: This is just great! Danny, Harley, and Mike 3 want to see slides of our trip through the Triguda Triangle and I can't get this noise away. Unless...

Hurrying into the car, Sawyer drove to Danny's house.

Meanwhile, Harley was nearly finished covering the cake in Teriyaki Sauce.

Danny: Don't you think that's a bit too much sauce?

Harley: NEVER underestimate the power of the sauce.

Then they heard the screeching of car wheels. Sawyer's here!

Danny: Everyone to your places! Hurry! Hurry!

Harley: What am I supposed to say again?

Mike 3: Just hide!

Danny, Harley, and Mike 3 hid. When Sawyer opened the door, she dropped the slides and was surprised to see a 10 layer birthday cake covered in Teriyaki Sauce. Popping out of their hiding places were Danny, Harley, and Mike 3.

Danny(simultaneously): SURPRISE! Harley(simultaneously): SURPRISE! Mike 3(simultaneously): SURPRISE!

Sawyer: WHAT?

Danny: Happy birthday, Sawyer!

Sawyer: WHAT?!

Harley: iFeliz cupleanos, compadre! (translation: Happy Birthday, Pal)!

Sawyer: WHAT?!?

Mike 3: Happy twenty-second year, Ms. Sawyer!

Sawyer: WHAT!?!

Danny, Harley, and Mike 3: Make a wish and blow out the candles!

At the sight of the 10 tier cake, Sawyer had only one thing to say.


Finally, Sawyer has lost control! She jumped on the cake and ripped it all apart, much to Harley's dismay. Teriyaki Sauce flew everywhere.

Harley: NOOO! You're wrecking the cake!

Too late. Finally, she dropped the remaining pieces of cake.

Danny: There goes the birthday cake.

Mike 3: Regarding her reaction, I would say that she enjoyed the cake.

Harley: Congratulations. You won gold in the Idiot Olympics. You destroyed my cake! I went through all this trouble making God, what is that?

Sawyer: It's...It's...It's...

She stared at an island made of bread.

Sawyer: Kerplopitgoes Island...MY BIRTHPLACE!

Mike 3: I guess it's not meant for turtles anymore.

Then, a sudden storm came out of nowhere with lightning striking everywhere. Mike 3 knew that this would happen.

Mike 3: It's happening.

Danny: What is happening?

The angel was about to answer that question until the same unearthly noise drove Sawyer crazy.


Mike 3: Every planetary alignment is the same thing.

Danny: What is happening?

Mike 3: When the planets align, every feline, upon the arrival of its 22nd birthday must migrate back to their birthplace and in the process, become an...(gulp)

Danny: What are you saying?

Mike 3: We must make sure she never leaves Hollywood for 24 hours. I heard strange stories about bran and weird undergarments.

Harley: Well, she doesn't have to. It's her home.

Mike 3: Are you silly, you orange-haired biped! The forces of nature are making her go. It's her heritage.

Danny: Are you saying...

Mike 3: Sawyer's mom was born on the same island.

Danny: What?

Mike 3: The island serves as a hospital.

Then the weird sound stopped.

Sawyer: No matter what happens, don't let me leave this house.

Mike 3: Anything we can do for you. How many hours left?

Danny: 22 hours.

Sawyer: As long as were here, wanna see some slides?

Danny: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Harley: What Danny meant was that we're not interested. How about a movie instead.

Sawyer: A movie. Wonderful. What's the name of it?

Mike 3: It's "Cats Don't Dance." You know that it won 2 prestigious Annie awards. The Writer made it longer.

Sawyer: How long does it run?

Mike 3: 80 minutes or so.

Harley: Did you know that Brian McEntee was an art director, writer and production designer?

Mike 3: She does know that.

Later, they went to the most unforgettable part of "Cats Don't Dance," the Mammoth Studios Flood. It was caused by one Darla Dimple.

Darla: Max, man the valve!

The giant gorilla did just that. Little droplets of water came out of the showercap holes.

Danny: I don't even want to think about going through that again.

Reflecting on his brush with the flood, he looked away from the disaster that was about to occur. Then the telephone rang. Danny answered it.

Danny: Danny Cat speaking.

Operator: This is a collect call of the wild for a Ms. Sawyer Cat. Do you accept the charges?

Danny: Yeah. Sawyer, there someone on the phone for you.

Sawyer grabbed the phone.

Sawyer: Hello?

(Splitscreen phone call here)

F. W.: Hey! Sawyer, sweetie, baby!

Sawyer: Farley Wink? Why are you making a collect call?

F. W.: You will never believe this, but yesterday, I met an agent from Africa. He wanted you, Sawyer! You'll rake in big bucks big time!

Sawyer: I guess you've done something right for once. Now, what about this agent?

F. W.: He wants you to star in a jungle film! Sawyer, you are a lucky cat!

Sawyer: What role can I play?

F. W.: You are the wife of Tarzan! Isn't it wonderful?

Sawyer: Of course it is! Where are they going to film it?

F. W.: In Kerplopitgoes Island.

Sawyer: What did you say?

F.W.: In Kerplopitgoes Island! You're a lucky cat! What do you have to say for yourself?


She hung up.

(end of Splitscreen phone call)

Sawyer: Enjoying the movie, eh? I seem to have left my slides of Siberia at home. I have better go home before the postman comes because he has bad aim and he always breaks the windows. Bye now.

Sawyer left the house and went into Danny's car. The problem: The car isn't working.


Danny: Give it a little gas.

Sawyer: Thanks.

But appearing from the back seat were Danny, Harley and Mike 3, armed with wrenches. When she finally got the motor to start, Danny, Harley, and Mike 3 hit her with the wrenches. To Sawyer, the car fades to a mauve color, and when she turned to the 3 holders of the wrench, they begin to look blurry. Then she loses consciousness. When she woke up, she was in a state of confusion.

Danny: I'm glad you're okay.

Sawyer: I feel like I'm upside down.

Danny: You are.

Sawyer looked at the steel bars. She was hanging upside down in a straightjacket in a circular cage.

Danny: Harley, Mike 3, and I are going to run a few errands. You stay here for a while and watch the show.

This time, it showed The Disney Channel! Danny turned the TV set upside down.

Danny: Can you see it okay? Well, see you later.

Mike 3: 17 hours, 45 minutes and 51 seconds. You can make it.

Sawyer: Thanks for your support.

Then they left. Sawyer begins to shudder. The Disney Afternoon. Timon and Pumbaa start singing. Then that horrible music begins. Sawyer's brain cells prepare to commit suicide as the meerkat and warthog dance in front of the screen.

Sawyer: Help! PLEASE HELP! I am being exposed to Disney! I am a Warner Bros. character! I shouldn't be exposed to Disney!

Then she fell down and her straightjacket fell off too.

Sawyer: Who did this?

Then her feline instincts a.k.a. the weird noise kicked in.

Sawyer: AAAgghhggh...fight it, Sawyer, fight it...

Trying to keep her mind intact, she fought her cat instincts. Then it got louder and louder and LOUDER until unable to stand it anymore, she let out an inhuman scream.


Meanwhile, at the Supermarket-e-wood, a special news bulletin went on the TV, in the Embarrassing Personal Hygiene Products Aisle. Danny, Harley, and Mike 3 were shopping at this aisle when...

Reporter: We interrupt this program to bring you this special news bulletin!

Harley(excited): Oh, boy! Chaos!

Reporter: Flash! Everyone knows that today, the planets align and cats at the age of twenty-two migrate to Kerplopitgoes Island in a mad rage. They go so insane that they would do almost anything to go to that legendary island. In other news, one of these insane felines has just hijacked the Jolly Roger Seafood Restaurant in broad daylight on that same day.

Danny and Mike 3: WHAT THE...

Reporter: Witnesses say that the alleged cat kept screaming "Kerplopitgoes, Take me to Kerplopitgoes Isle!" as she forced patrons out to safety. Coming to you live, I am interviewing the witnesses. Sir, how was your interlude?

Witness: It was horrible! HORRIBLE, I TELL YOU! Tartar sauce all over the place! Soy sauce on the walls! Ketchup on the ceiling! She was the craziest cat I've ever seen in all my life! WAAAAAAAAAA!

Reporter: This witness has everything caught on tape.

Then she taped the encounter with the hijacker.

Danny: Wait a minute. She looks familiar.

Harley: Red dress...

Mike 3: Yellow shirt...

Danny: Good dancer...Uh, oh.

Danny, Harley, and Mike 3: SAWYER!

Quickly heading to Danny's house, they find a broken cage.

Danny: How did she escape?

Cranston enters holding an acetylene torch.

Cranston: What?

Danny: Well, we'll have to go and get her back.

Harley: Where.

They stared at the bread replica of...

Danny: Kerplopitgoes Island.

Taking a cruise ship, they go to the island. But a tidal wave destroys it leaving a tugboat in its place. Then another tidal wave destroys the tugboat leaving a lifeboat in its place. Then another tidal wave hits, sending them to Kerplopitgoes Island. There were ships everywhere.

Danny: Check this out!

Harley: Huh?

On top of the island was a banner that said, "Welcome to Club Spawn."

Mike 3: Club Spawn?

Harley: Should we go in?

Mike 3: Is she in there?

Danny: Let's find out.

When he opened the door and crossed the threshold, he is surprised to find male and female felines partying like there's no tomorrow! They are blind to the fact that they are adults! They have been hypnotized by the power of the island.

Danny: How are we going to find Sawyer in this party?

Mike 3: There must be about 10,000 of them in this party!

???: Hey, guys!

They turned to find a female cat in a red dress.

???: Hey, guys, guys! Glad you could make it!

Danny: Who are you?

Removing her wig, Sawyer revealed her identity, much to Danny, Harley, and Mike 3's surprise.

Danny: Sawyer?

Sawyer: Actually, everyone here knows me as Paula.

Danny: Okay. Sawyer, er...that is Paula, we didn't come here to have fun. We were here to save from the clutches of Mother Nature.

Mike 3: Don't you remember? We are rescuing you from adulthood and taking you back to Hollywood.

Sawyer: Hollywood?

Sawyer breaks out laughing in an instant.

Sawyer: It looks like "Boring-e-wood"

Cat 1: Paula, Paula? I have been looking all over for you!

Cat 2: We are all waiting for you to teach us the hustle!

Sawyer: Be right there, Holly! I love to stay and chat guys but I gotta boogie! I'm staying here at Club Spawn. Being an adult is great!

Mike 3 turned into a leaky faucet and started crying and turned the water on.

Danny: I know how you feel, Mike 3. We lost Sawyer to Kerplopitgoes.

Harley: I miss her already, Danny.

Mike 3: Come on. We can do nothing here. The forces of nature are greater than we.

Then they left without closing the door, unaware that the imbalance is over. The planets had stopped aligning and went back to orbiting the sun. Back on the isle the same storm hits.

Mike 3: WHAT THE...

Then emanating from the cloud was a blue light covering the entire island and transforming the hypnotized felines back into their normal selves. Even Sawyer.

When the light subsided, the confused visitors of Kerplopitgoes went to their ships and went home.

Danny: It looks like they're leaving.

Harley: You mean they're done?

Sawyer: Yep.

Sawyer watched the now-adult felines leave the island.

Danny: Sawyer!

Sawyer: Time for us to go home.

Mike 3: For a moment there we thought we lost you.

Sawyer: You'll never lose me again, pals! My home is with you!

The next morning, the 3 cats, angel, and the goat watch the news.

Reporter: In other news, Danny, Harley, and Sawyer return the Jolly Roger Seafood Restaurant to their proper place in Hollywood on their return voyage from the mysterious Kerplopitgoes Island. Unfortunately, a few cases of tartar sauce were discovered missing.

Danny: It's good to have you back, Sawyer.

Sawyer: It sure is. I guess adulthood wasn't so bad after all.

Mike 3: I apologize for being such a problem.

Cranston: And I apologize for letting you out with an acetylene torch.

Mike 3: It's all OK. Nature's urges drive us a bit crazy at times.

Meanwhile, the planets stopped orbiting the sun and align causing a cosmic imbalance...again. This time, cats at age 21 go to Kerplopitgoes Island!

Danny stopped and heard that crazy noise. Today is his birthday! Danny covered his ears.

Mike 3: I am glad it's all over with. Right, Danny? Danny? Sawyer, is today his birthday?

Sawyer: Of course it is.

Mike 3: How old is he?

Sawyer: Twenty-one.

Then the noise got louder and louder and louder and louder and louder until...

Mike 3: Oh dear, here we go again.


The End

By Vaandr

"Sawyer", "Danny", and "Farley Wink", are © Warner Bros.
All other characters are creations of the author.

This page was last modified on 26th September 1999

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