The Fortune Cookie Curse - Part 1

The story opens at Sawyer's apartment. Her nighttime nap is almost over. She starts work at ten o'clock. Enter Hyper Howard, a host of his own game show called "Spin to Win."

Hyper: It's 6:52 in the morning and we're about to meet our next "Ms. Lucky," Sawyer Cat. Let us knock on the door and see if our next lucky contestant is home.

The host rang the doorbell. The bell sounded like a ringing telephone.

Sawyer: I'll get it!

She opened the door a bit.

Sawyer: What do you want? I am busy.

Hyper: I'll say you are!

Howard opened the door wide. She is dressed in her flower suit.

Hyper: Say "hi" to the world, Miss Sawyer! You are the new "Ms. Lucky" on everyone's favorite game show, Spin...

The word "Spin" fell to her left.

Hyper: To...

The word "to" fell in front of her.

Hyper: Win!

The word "Win" fell to her right.

Sawyer (excited): Yahoo! I'm on "Spin to Win"! My ship has come in! I am "Ms. Lucky"!

She was on all the televisions in Hollywood including those at the Brown Derby where they usually hang out. Sawyer was giving autographs to everyone there. Even Danny, Sawyer's girlfriend, Harley, Sawyer's sister from Kokomo, and Sawyer's guardian angel, Michael the Third/Mike 3 in human form were all witnesses.

Danny: How is your day as Ms. Lucky going, Sawyer?

Sawyer: Very great!

Mike 3: This is an extraordinary day in history. You will be on Double H's game show tomorrow.

Harley: Look! Fortune cookies!

The 4 people got their fortune cookies. Danny read his fortune first.

Danny: Your good will can help you through rain and thunder.

Harley read her fortune next.

Harley: Indulge your fantasies. Love and romance await.

Mike 3 read his fortune.

Mike 3: In the battle between good and evil, with the powers of love and hope, good will remain standing.

Now it was Sawyer's turn. When she ate the cookie and found her fortune, this was a disturbing sight.

The fortune said: Bad luck and extreme, rarest, greatest misfortune will infest, infect, contaminate and corrupt your pathetic, pitiable, unprotected soul until the cycle of bad luck has broken into itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensey, microscopic little pieces.

Harley: Well? What does it say?

Sawyer: Nothing.

Harley: What do you mean nothing? It has to say something!

Sawyer: I'm sure it's blank.

Harley: Give me the fortune.

Sawyer: No.

Harley: Give it to me.

Sawyer: NO!

Harley: Give it!

Harley jumped on Sawyer and a quick fight ensued. Finally, Harley victoriously holds the message and reads it. This was a distressing sight for Sawyer's sister. Sawyer gets up and snatches away the fortune.

Danny: Well? What does it say?


Danny: There, there. It's just a stupid fortune cookie. You won't get bad luck. What could go wrong?

Sawyer thought about it then left.

Sawyer: I gotta go to work. See you later.

At lunchtime in Mammoth Studios, Sawyer read her fortune again then threw it away.

Sawyer: Danny is right. Someone goofed on the typing. It is a stupid fortune cookie.

When she went to the lunch counter, something exploded. The lemonade container blew out of the faucet and squirted Sawyer.

Sawyer: AHHHH!

Everyone stopped eating and spun around to see a drenched-looking Sawyer. The workers snuck outside the commissary, not wanting to be confronted by a wet feline. Everyone that is, except Elmyra.

Elmyra: Ooooooooohhhhh, look at the cute little fuzzy-wuzzy!


Danny appeared beside her.

Danny: What?

Sawyer: It's Elmyra!

Danny: Time to hit Warp 10, Sawyer.

Sawyer: Gotcha, Danny.

With a blinding flash and a dust cloud, Danny and Sawyer exceed the speed of light and disappear in a flash, leaving Elmyra behind in a combination Sonic Boom and Big Bang. As the time-space continuum detonates around her, Elmyra collapses in a stupor. Shortly thereafter, Danny and Sawyer return to the Cats Don't Dance universe and head to their separate sets.

Danny: What a blast!

Sawyer: See you after work!

Danny: You too, Sawyer.

Sawyer went to Stage 16 but on the way, she met a small black cat. Sawyer walked past it but ahead of her was another black cat. The other black cat followed her. She walked to the other side. Unfortunately, black cats were on one side. She looked at the increasing army then looked behind her. Black cats were following her! She ran as fast as her feet could take her. She ran out of Mammoth Studios and into a store. The throng of black cats ran past it. Sawyer thought she was safe. Unfortunately, she went into Johnny's House of Mirrors.



Sawyer barely escaped and the black cats still followed her. She later bamboozled the black cats by hiding behind a bench. Unfortunately, Elmyra hid behind the same bench.

Elmyra: Gotcha!

Sawyer did a double take then a wild take then exceeded the speed of light. But Sawyer never charts her course very well and she collides with a truckload of ladders and (wait for it) mirrors. As if the preliminary collision was bad enough, Sawyer accidentally blew up the truck and the rebound of the collision causes her to explode with the force of 1,000 sticks of TNT (Trinitrotoluene) all exploding at once. Then she turned into ashes. Not only that, when Sawyer regenerated, a water wagon crashed and the water in its tank splashed into Sawyer and its effect sent her to a 8,000,000-volt electric fence where she got zapped to bits. If that wasn't good enough, 250 fans found her.

Fan 1: It's---It's---It's---It's---It's...

Fan 2: Bette Midler?

Fan 3: Susan Sarandon?

Fan 4: Christina Ricci?

Fan 5: Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Fan 1: No! It's...SAWYER CAT!

Then 250 fans attacked her. Where will this torment stop?


Later, afterwards, someone rang the doorbell. Danny opened his door. But this didn't look like a pleasant sight. Sawyer looked like she got wet, boiled, set on fire, steamed, electrocuted, burnt, and attacked by fans. Her trashed clothes prove it. She was holding an umbrella and a rain cloud was raining on it. The black cats were still here. She has a ladder on her head.

Danny: Want to come in?

Sawyer: Sure.

Then she closed the door so that the black cats can't come in as well. Then Harley went in through the front door but she accidentally used it to smack Sawyer into the wall.

Harley: Sawyer, where are you?

Sawyer: Behind the front door.

Harley: What are you doing here, Sawyer?

Sawyer: Contemplating your demise. Now, close the door.

Harley closed the door.

Sawyer: Danny...

She threw the umbrella in the trash.

Danny: Sawyer, your tail is stuck in the door again.

Sawyer screamed almost immediately when she realized that Danny was right.

Harley(apologetically): Sorry! I didn't know your tail was stuck in the door.

Harley opened the door and Sawyer quickly grabbed her tail before she closed the door.

Sawyer: Forget it, Harley.

Danny: What happened to you?

Sawyer: Remember that fortune cookie?

Danny: Yes.

Sawyer: Well, after that there were a bunch of black cats following me and after that I went into this place full of mirrors and they broke into little pieces and then Elmyra spotted me at the same place I hid then I went into light speed then there was this explosion and everyone was screaming and then I got electrocuted by an electric fence and then 250 fans attacked me screaming "IT'S SAWYER CAT! IT'S SAWYER CAT!"

Then all of a sudden, the house fell apart. Mike 3 appeared at the wreck. The 3 survivors, Danny, Sawyer, and Harley rose out of its remains.

Mike 3: What happened?

Sawyer: I think I have bad luck.

Mike 3: Did I miss something?

Danny: Sawyer just had a bad day.

Mike 3: It'll be all right, Sawyer.

Sawyer: I hope so, Mike 3...I hope so.

(End of Part 1)

By Vaandr

"Sawyer", "Danny", and "Elmrya" are © Warner Bros.
All other characters are creations of the author.

This page was last modified on 28th June 1999

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